It’s not too late to make writing affirmations for the year.
I’m purposely not calling them “resolutions,” because I want something that’s “affirming.” As mentioned in recent posts, so much of writing begins with your state of mind.
I’ve decided to keep it simple for 2011. Here they are:
1. I will write consistently, whether it’s journaling, blogging or novel writing.
2. I will read about writing so I can get better. A good source is Better English 101.
3. I will “commune” with other writers.
4. I will write my ideas down so I don’t forget them.
5. I will look for new places to showcase my writing.
6. I will be a prolific writer.
7. I will copyright my work.
8. I will be encouraged by writers who are already successful.
9. I will not be discouraged by those who reject my writing.
10. I will believe in the uniqueness of the writing gift God has given me.
Any mother who is parenting teenage girls knows it can be challenging to say the least. Somewhere around 12 or 13, things have a way of changing. Suddenly your little girl is telling you you’re ruining her life or you don’t understand or just leave her alone.
It kind of creeps up on you and if you’re not careful your hormones will be swinging with theirs. I really am convinced that part of it is hormonal and no matter what you do, there will be mood swings and all kinds of unexpected emotional drama.
I’ve learned that I don’t have to ride the rollercoaster of hormones or react to them. That’s because as the older, wiser, woman in the house, I set the tone for my relationship with my daughters.
It truly is life-changing when you realize you don’t have to be nuts because they happen to be at any given moment. Before this epiphany I used to swear my girls were plotting and planning ways to drive me insane. They really aren’t. They’re just being kids. They’re growing and changing every day – sometimes every hour – and it’s making them a bit kooky.
If you don’t believe me, think about how quickly they come out of their spells. My girls can be the sweetest, most adorable children — until … well you know the hormones kick in.
I have reached a point where I’m not surprised by random, unprovoked outbursts that often dissolve as quickly as they begin. I choose to not react but to be as loving, understanding and supportive as possible. I pray and take a deep breath. God never lets me down. (Qualifier: This doesn’t mean we should allow a free-for-all and fail to parent when they cross the line.)
Set the tone.
It’s not always easy to do (sometimes, okay many times, I have to bite my lip and count). But when I think about the women I want them to become, I know I have to work hard to set the best example I can.
I don’t get it right every time, but I’m getting better.
One of college football’s brightest young coaches — black or white — Mike Haywood was poised to celebrate 2011 in grand fashion, having risen to a big-time school after just two seasons as head coach at lower-tier Miami (Ohio) University. The University of Pittsburgh announced him as its new coach on Dec. 16, giving him a five-year contract believed to be worth about $1 million annually. At the ninth stop in his 13-year coaching career, he had landed the top gig in one of the Bowl Championship Series conferences.
But the celebration ended abruptly on New Year’s Day. Haywood was arrested Dec. 31 at his home in South Bend, Ind., on domestic violence charges; hours after being released on bond Jan. 1, he was fired. “Head coaches are among the university’s most visible representatives and are expected to maintain high standards of personal conduct and to avoid situations that might reflect negatively on the university,” Pitt Chancellor Mark A. Nordenberg said in a statement. He said the decision “is not tied to any expectation with respect to the terms on which the legal proceeding now pending in Indiana might ultimately be concluded. Instead, it reflects a strong belief that moving forward with Mr. Haywood as our head coach is not possible under the existing circumstances.”
Haywood disagreed with the university’s decision and professed his innocence. “It isn’t fair,” he told the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review. “The truth will eventually come out.” Perhaps he didn’t attack the mother of his child. Perhaps he will be exonerated in court. And perhaps Pittsburgh will have to pay damages if he files a lawsuit.
Regardless, this “rush to judgment” was the right move.
There has been a loud outcry in the wake of President Obama’s recent comments about star Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Michael Vick’s post-prison second chance, with protesters falling primarily into one of two camps. They’re either shouting, “He’s only getting a second chance because he can play football!” Or they’re bellowing, “He doesn’t deserve a second chance because he’s a dog killer!”
The first argument might be true, but it just proves how difficult life can be for convicted felons trying to re-enter society. The second argument suggests that after prison, a convicted felon’s “debt to society” should accrue like interest on a credit card that’s never paid off.
Critics fail to realize — or don’t care — that the issue is larger than Vick, whose extraordinary athleticism virtually guaranteed him another shot at success after jail. The real conversations that Obama’s comments should spark have nothing to do with former quarterbacks and everything to do with former prisoners.
Former San Francisco 49ers head coach Mike Singletary’s skills with the X’s and O’s — the nuts and bolts of coaching football teams — were suspect enough. But even if he was deemed adequate in that regard, his persona made his suitability as coach of the 49ers questionable. Society has not reached the point yet where the “fiery black man” approach is acceptable for CEO-type positions, especially when it doesn’t deliver positive results, as evidenced by San Francisco’s 0-5 start this season and its current record of 5-10.
Unfortunately, the same attributes that led Singletary to a Hall of Fame career as a Chicago Bears linebacker practically doomed him as the 49ers’ head coach and helped lead to his firing on Sunday. We can never forget pictures of Singletary as the wild-eyed tackling machine, anchoring the Bears’ defense with ferocious intensity and passion. One reason the memories remain fresh is that he kept much of that same demeanor in leading the 49ers. And it couldn’t be more out of place in the NFL, which embraces its image as a button-down, Fortune 500 conglomerate.
For an instant injection of emotion and excitement, Singletary was a fine choice when the 49ers gave him the full-time job in December 2008, after he went 5-4 as the interim coach. Nicknamed “Samurai Mike,” he became a pop culture phenomenon in his very first game at the helm. While he was interim coach, Singletary sent star tight end Vernon Davis to the showers with more than 10 minutes remaining in the game, and issued a classic rant — “I want winners!” — in his postgame news conference. It was later reported that Singletary mooned his players at halftime as a motivational ploy, though a team spokesman stressed that the coach never dropped his drawers
Every day I’m reminding someone in my life to focus. If it’s not my children or my students, then it’s my husband.
When it comes to writing, we have to find a way to focus on the writing we want to produce. But in reality, “focus” can be challenging, especially when your days and nights are full. The distractions are real and unavoidable, but so is your desire and passion for writing.
As I reflect on my journey in completing “The Second First Lady,” I somehow found my focus. So here are some tips that I hope will help you:
*Don’t stress yourself out by trying to write for the same number of hours every day. Do what works for your schedule.
*Find a friend who will hold you accountable for writing consistently.
*Share your writing with a friend who is willing to listen. Talk about the characters and where the story is headed.
*Go to a writing conference or start a writing group so you can network and get feedback from other writers.
*Read author websites and join their mailing lists.
*Make a positive affirmation everyday about your writing.
*Read an article or book that will help you improve your craft.
As simple as these tips may seem, they contribute to the focus you need to become a writer who actually… writes.
There’s an old adage that says we make time for things we want to make time for.
I’m always amazed at what my daughters can accomplish when they decide it’s important enough, i.e. slide-shows of their Christmas gifts, clean rooms (when an immediate incentive is involved) and any number of tasks.
I’m also amazed at what I can accomplish when I decide it’s important enough. Since the completion of my novel, The Second First Lady, many mothers, friends and family members have asked me when I found the time.
I don’t really have a clear-cut answer – other than the fact I just kept at it, writing whenever I could. It wasn’t easy, since I work full-time, have two kids and cook, clean and shop every week. I also help with homework, grade my students’ papers and spend time with the family. Still, somehow, I got it done with God’s help.
I can think of other examples in my life, too. I earned my Master’s Degree while working and managing the household, and I gained National Board Certification in the same manner. In the midst of it all, I did wonder… Why am I doing this? But I kept on. There were doubts, discouragements and fears along the way, but I kept at it. Completing the novel was no different.
As I reflect, I got it done through consistency. Some days I wrote for two hours or less; other days I wrote longer. But I did it, because writing creatively is one of my passions and I was determined.
So the message for all you Moms (and everyone else): You really can do it, if you want to.
Paula Flowe doesn’t know exactly how many people will show up Friday afternoon for a rally at the Texas State Capitol. And she doesn’t know exactly how many people will join her in sleeping out there until proposed legislation in Congress (H.R. 5628) becomes law. But Flowe is certain that her cause — banning corporal punishment in schools — is worth the time and effort, even as she’s run through her retirement money and is in danger of losing her house.
“We have people coming in from Alabama, Arkansas, Tennessee and remote parts of Texas,” said Flowe, founder and executive director of The Hitting Stops Here! “We have one woman whose son was brutally beaten by a 400-pound teacher. The school said there’s nothing wrong with the child, but it will pay for his counseling. If nothing’s wrong, why pay for counseling? If Sasha and Malia went home like that, there would be an outrage.
When I took a buyout from Gannett in July 2009 – after nearly a quarter-century as a fulltime journalist with the company – I also decided to cut off my shoulder-length dreadlocks that took eight years to grow. In the midst of so much transition (returning to D.C.; no job; potential career change; maybe grad school), going with a different look just felt right. Shaving my head signified that everything was brand-new at that point, personal appearance included.
But I’d be lying if I said mainstream attitudes toward dreadlocks didn’t play a role in my decision. No longer an established professional at the top of my field, I could envision prospective employers holding my hair against me – consciously or not. As much as I loved my dreads, I wasn’t willing to risk them being a hindrance to new opportunities.
Such decisions are much less stressful for brothers compared to sisters. I didn’t last long as a baldie (WAY too much maintenance for someone used to once-a-month appointments), but my low-cut natural never draws second looks, unlike the effect when a sister wears one.
We can only imagine what Thanksgiving was like last year in the Tiger Woods household, which since then has shrunk from a family of four to a bachelor pad. A National Enquirer story on Woods and New York cocktail hostess Rachel Uchitel had hit newsstands the day before, but it hadn’t garnered any attention.
And it might have remained just another juicy rumor from the National Enquirer if Woods hadn’t crashed his Cadillac Escalade into a tree beyond his driveway at 2:25 a.m. on the morning just after Thanksgiving. His wife, Elin, bashing out the SUV’s back windows with a golf club didn’t help matters, either.
That incident was the beginning of the end for Woods’ carefully crafted, squeaky-clean image. In its aftermath, he suffered a severe outbreak of alleged mistresses, entered therapy for sex addiction, lost several major sponsors, watched his wife file for divorce and endured his worst year on the golf course.
Just like that, Thanksgiving and Woods were inextricably linked in people’s minds, likely forever.
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It’s not too late to make writing affirmations for the year.
