Posted on April 18th, 2011
By VANESSA W. SNYDER
Intellectual curiosity.
According to Urbandictionary.com it is a desire to learn more about a person, or a thing, or a way of life.
That’s what I love to see in my children and the children I teach. It’s exciting to come to school and work with students who are genuinely interested in learning. These are the kids who always have a thoughtful comment, always raise their hand and always sit wide-eyed, hanging on to your every word.
They are fully engaged in the learning process — most days anyway.
Unfortunately, there aren’t enough of them often enough.
These days, many children have few if any conversations with parents, or anyone else for that matter. They don’t read enough (don’t get me started) and they don’t spend enough time exploring their community — not to mention the rest of the world.
It seems as if some kids are born with intellectual curiosity. Some get it from their parents, through reading, talking and experiencing life. But some need to be taught how to be intellectually curious. They don’t necessarily have someone in their lives who’s concerned about their intellectual development.
I’m disappointed when I teach students who seem to care about little beyond the electronic devices in their hands. Students who are passive and oblivious to the events and issues swirling around them. Students who never think about anything or anyone that doesn’t affect them directly.
But I have hope because I think teachers, parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents and just about any experienced adult can take up the cause. In other words, it’s our job to fill the gap.
We really do have a responsibility to help children develop intellectual curiosity about the world they live in and the society they inherit one day.
So maybe it’s time to pick up a newspaper or news magazine and talk to a child about what’s happening in the world. Getting involved in a mentoring program is one great way to do it.
Take your kids to see something historic in your town. If possible, take a trip to a place they’ve never been before. Go to a museum. Visit a restaurant that serves authentic food from another country.
Why does this all matter? Because we want our children to know and appreciate that life is more than technology. That there are people and places to be discovered. That life is larger than they think.
If we take the time to explore and understand, maybe there’ll be less hate and less fear in the world.
VS
Posted on March 20th, 2011
By DERON SNYDER
The average NFL fan can’t identify too closely with NFL players — and certainly not NFL owners. But most fans know what it means to work and receive a paycheck, regardless of how little they get in comparison. That’s what makes Adrian Peterson’s comments so disturbing and disgusting, reinforcing the stereotypes of dumb jocks and pampered athletes.
Peterson, the Minnesota Vikings’ All-Pro running back, told Yahoo! that playing in the league is like “modern-day slavery. People kind of laugh at that, but there are people working at regular jobs who get treated the same way, too,” he said.
If Peterson was trying to make a case based on New York Times columnist William Rhoden’s provocative book, Forty Million Dollar Slaves: The Rise, Fall, and Redemption of the Black Athlete, it was an epic failure. Rhoden used about 300 pages to lay out a nuanced case for invoking the word “slave,” which is still a stretch.
Continue reading…
Posted on March 16th, 2011
By VANESSA W. SNYDER
Clean your room. Study. Go to bed. Cut the drama. Hurry up. Why’d you get a C on that test?
Clean your room. Study. Go to bed. Cut the drama. Hurry up. Why’d you get a C on that test? (I tend to repeat the same phrases when talking to my kids).
However, I’ve discovered that I often don’t repeat the phrases that should be repeated.
Recently, someone told me that my older daughter doesn’t seem confident. I tried to figure out why. Then I thought about my words and the role they play in her level of confidence. I remembered telling her I was proud of her for effectively using a planner for school work. Her eyes lit up, almost in surprise.
Am I affirming her enough? Am I reminding her how special she is and how smart she is? Am I telling her daily that I believe in her?
Unfortunately, the answer is no. I’m saying plenty, but it’s not always the affirmative language that children need.
Maybe we assume that because they’re teenagers, they don’t need to be affirmed and encouraged. Maybe sometimes we just get too busy and don’t realize they’re lacking in confidence. Whatever the reason, we all should find a way to affirm our children. Between the reminders to study and clean up, there ought to be time to say, “I’m proud of you” or “I like the way you did ______.”
Most of us know that words are powerful. Even if our children don’t admit it, they listen and internalize the things we say, directly or indirectly. Our words to them and about them really do have an impact. We can all remember something spoken to us as children, that we still replay in our minds.
How do we talk about our children when we think they’re not listening? How do we talk to them when we’re angry or disappointed? Are we saying more by the words we DON’T utter?
Words can affirm, raise doubts or tear down. Think about the power of the words, “I love you.” We certainly can’t say that enough.
Try affirming your child today and every day. Then watch them light up and grow in confidence.
Posted on March 14th, 2011
By VANESSA W. SNYDER
Someone called me a hustler once and I didn’t quite know what he meant. Now that I’m publishing and promoting my book every way possible — on a limited budget — I understand.
It’s just a matter of time before I have to spend some real money on marketing “The Second First Lady.” But in the meantime, I’m hustling. I’m not naive enough to think I can work my family and friends forever. However, there’s no harm in hustling until you can’t anymore. Especially if you have a big family, like me, and a good number of friends, colleagues and associates who generally like you. Hey, a sale is a sale.
So let me encourage my fellow independents: Don’t be ashamed to tell anyone who’ll listen about your book. Exhaust any and all resources, because you never know who knows whom. I try not to be overbearing, but I’ve gotten pretty good at bringing up the book in conversation. (Sometimes I feel like those people who always work their children or spouse into the discussion; actually, that might be me, too).
In fact, I was at a funeral and… just joking. I do have limits. I hope I don’t annoy people by mentioning my book in conversation, but if so, oh well. I’m trying to sell books and let the world in on the story of Clairmont Jenkins.
So here are some tips for working your book into a casual conversation:
Co-worker you barely know: Good morning.
Me: Good morning. How are you?
Co-worker (startled at extended conversation): Great. How ’bout you?
Me: Wonderful. I just wrote a book.
Co-worker (feigning interest): Really?
Me: Yes. It’s called The Second First Lady and it’s available online.
Co-worker (backing away slowly and turning away): Great! Congratulations!
I’m really not that bad, although sometimes it feels that way. But maybe that’s just part of the journey.
Other obnoxious tips: 1) Keep book on your dashboard while driving; 2) Tape the cover to one of your windows; 3) Make your relatives keep a copy on their desks; 4) Display copy conveniently on your desk; 4) Have your friends post reviews on the Internet.
The point is, don’t be afraid to tell people you’ve written a book and let them know you’d love it if they purchased one (or more). You might be surprised and come away with a sale.
Posted on March 2nd, 2011
By Vanessa W. Snyder
It’s starting already. A few warm days is all it takes before the realization hits us: Spring is near! That’s when kids begin the Spring Break Slowdown.
It’s hard to believe I’ve been teaching long enough to sense the change in atmosphere. I see it in my students and my own children. Something about the approaching warm weather causes kids to ease up at school.
Suddenly, the work doesn’t seem as important. They struggle to turn in their assignments and act like it’s time for a break. They beg to watch movies and walk around in a bit of a fog. Teachers experience it also, that lazy, summer-afternoon feeling that takes over just before spring arrives.
But this is the worst time for students to slack off, especially high schoolers. There’s simply no time to slip into that malaise. Colleges won’t understand the dip in grades come second semester (that goes for seniors, too). How can students explain that they just didn’t feel like working?
As for middle schoolers, they really don’t want to start bad habits that will be difficult to break at the next level. High school is tough enough without sub-par grades and a poor work ethic at the start. And elementary kids are too early in the game to even think about a slowdown. Don’t let them do it.
As teachers, we need to break out our most-creative lesson plans to keep students engaged. That means even more hands-on, more music, more movement and more out-the-box approaches. As parents, we might have to whip up new incentives to keep our children motivated and focused. And we have to figure out creative ways to do so — extra TV hours, extended bed time, more computer time, a special meal — without breaking the bank.
Several weeks remain before Spring Break arrives and squandering that time would be a poor decision.
Yes, spring is on the way. But so are the next report cards.
Posted on February 24th, 2011
By Vanessa W. Snyder
Recently at my school, I sat in on a round table about privacy. It was an opportunity for teens to voice their views on the meaning of privacy and whether the government has usurped too much of it.
Of course the conversation worked its way around to teens’ privacy at home. I managed to bite my tongue without making myself bleed (after all it was a chance for them to talk, not me). Several of the youths felt they had an inalienable right to privacy under their parents’ roof.
Amazingly though, a wise young man reminded them that privacy is a non-issue as long as they’re minors living with their parents.
I concur.
For the record: Yes I can and will read my children’s e-mails, text messages, snail mail and tweets. I feel no shame or guilt, because they’re my children and it’s my job to know what’s going on with them, particularly if they’re not forthcoming.
Consider the dear friend I mentioned in my first entry on wimpy parenting. She has already informed her 10-year-old son that she will read every text message he sends. And I think she means it (at least for now).
But the broader issue for me is not privacy. It’s establishing a relationship and environment where I don’t feel the need to read personal communication. This is not an easy task and it requires time, time and additional time — something we always try to get more of.
And even with the time, you often have to force the issue. Sometimes teens just don’t want to talk. They get moody and want to be left alone. I’m okay with some alone-time privacy, but I know it’s my job to get right back in her face so I know what’s going on. Privacy has little to do with the amount of communicating I need to do with my children.
I’d rather spend my time building a strong relationship with them — not snooping through drawers, checking text messages and reading tweets. I’d rather focus on really listening and really hearing what’s going on. It’s not always easy, but remember: Parenting isn’t for wimps.
Posted on February 14th, 2011
By VANESSA W. SNYDER
As a teacher, I promise you most of us don’t have time to sit around and think about how much we hate individual students. That’s not to say we don’ t enjoy teaching some students more than others, but I digress…
As a parent, I feel your pain and frustration when it comes to teachers you don’t like or don’t understand.
For parents who are inclined to think a teacher dislikes her child, consider it a teachable moment. When kids make this claim it’s often a convenient excuse to explain their failure to complete their work. Or maybe they’re just starting middle school or high school, where the classes are suddenly tougher, and they need to work harder to get the A’s that came so easily before. Either way, parents have a great opportunity to help their kids learn some life lessons.
I tell my girls that sometimes in life you just have to tough it out. Teachers have different styles and personalities. Deal with it.
We all have fond memories of the teacher that everybody loved because she or he was fun, warm and friendly. But then there are the not-so-fond memories of stern, distant and rigid teachers disliked by everyone.
Kids (and parents) have to learn that they can’t just run away because they don’t like the teacher’s style of teaching. As a parent, you may really believe a teacher has it out for your child. You’re probably wrong. But even if it’s true, that’s a chance for your child to grow.
Barring extreme situations where learning is clearly absent from the classroom, we have to push our kids to cope, move on and not get caught up in their emotions and the teacher’s personality. I know that can be tough for kids. Some struggle to do well in a class when they perceive the teacher doesn’t like them. And, yes, a case can be made that the teacher’s personality impacts learning. However, it’s not always possible to change the learning situation. If you can, should you?
Teaching children to accept and understand that the world is full of diverse people — with diverse personalities, skills, preferences, etc. — is crucial. They will have to navigate through school, college and the workplace, dealing with all kinds of individuals. Many times it will be uncomfortable and downright tough.
If we can teach them early on that sometimes you just have to deal with people you don’t like, and who may not like you, we’ve taught them an important skill about self-control and relationships.
I tell my daughters that it doesn’t matter if a teacher doesn’t like them. Focus on what you’re there to learn and get the work done.
It’s wonderful if you and your child love every teacher, every year. But that’s unlikely to happen.
Posted on February 5th, 2011
By DERON SNYDER
Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin got straight A’s at Denbigh High School in Newport News, Va., and he competed deep into statewide academic competitions. But he never let his football teammates know about his book smarts because he wanted to be viewed as a tough guy, not some soft brainiac.
Now, even as he’s on the verge of a second Super Bowl title in his fourth season as coach, some folks are still a little slow on the uptake regarding his brilliance.
“I think the first couple of years, people had an excuse here and an excuse there for why they didn’t want to give him any respect,” Steelers nose tackle Chris Hoke recently told reporters. “The guy has proved that he is a winner. Three of his four years, he has taken us to the playoffs, and two of his four, taken us to the Super Bowl. So you’ve got to give the guy credit.”
You would think so. But something besides Tomlin’s aptitude has always gotten more attention, whether it’s been his inexperience, his age, his race or the team or franchise he was blessed with.
Continue reading…
Posted on February 4th, 2011
By DERON SNYDER
Wednesday was “National Signing Day” for the country’s football-playing high school seniors. It’s a virtual national holiday in the world of sports, an occasion that’s grown to garner wall-to-wall TV coverage and up-to-the minute Web updates. The NCAA says about 7,000 football players annually sign letters-of-intent to accept scholarship offers (not to mention 4,000 basketball players and 25,000 student-athletes in non-revenue sports).
Thus concludes another recruiting cycle in which desperate football coaches logged thousands of miles and sat in numerous living rooms, hoping to land the nation’s prized recruits. Those blue-chip prospects – some courted by dozens of schools that often learn ‘The Decision’ like everyone else, by watching a press conference on ESPN – can have a dramatic impact on a coach’s career and a program’s fortunes.
But a football (or basketball) player’s signature on a scholarship has a vastly different meaning than a coach’s signature on a contract. And guess which party gets the short end of the deal.
A few weeks after then-Connecticut coach Randy Edsall sat in the home of recruit Michael Nebrich and made empty promises, we learned that Edsall was leaving UConn for the Maryland job. “I don’t want to say it made me feel betrayed, because he had to do what he had to do for his family,” Nebrich told The Washington Post last month. “Just with everything he was saying to me and assuring me he was going to be there, it was a weird feeling.”
Far from weird, it’s perfectly normal when college coaches depart for better opportunities, regardless of the time left on their contracts or the pledges made to incoming recruits. It happens every year without fail.
Read more…
Posted on February 4th, 2011
By VANESSA W. SNYDER
I was scrubbing black nail polish off my 11-year-old’s fingernails when it occurred to me that parenting has its joys at every age. Turns out she had polished her fingernails just before bed time and, of course, they got smudged while in the bed. She got up (mind you, not woke up) somewhat hysterical over the idea of attending school with smudgy polish. That’s a major crisis in the sixth grade. We were out of remover so I got my nail file and went to scrubbing.
When I think of my girls over the years, I realize I have dozens of stories like this – and they make me laugh. But more importantly, I realize that every age is a blessing. When your children hits the pre-teen and teen years, you can’t help reflecting and longing for the toddler-in-diaper days when they were so little, cute and cuddly… and couldn’t talk back. You can’t help but to romanticize and/or erase the crying, the whining and the worrying in those early years. The labor pains and late-night feedings fade into memories of warm hugs and constant giggles.
I guess that’s because the teen years challenge us in a different way and you’re never quite sure what to expect from day to day. We all know the quips about teenagers and how “awful” that stage is supposed to be. I even had a colleague, the parent of a teen at the time, jokingly advise me to do whatever I could to keep my kids from growing up – even if it meant sitting on them to stunt their growth. I understand what she meant now.
But I’m not going out like that. I’m determined to have a good time with my growing girls. Aside from shopping and sharing clothes and jewelry, we’re at a place where we can have real girl talk and serious conversations. I’m discovering they have a lot to say and a lot on their minds. And I’m loving it. It’s an amazing opportunity to offer support and get to know who they really are.
I’m working hard (and I hope you will too) to go against the grain and enjoy these years and every phase of parenting. Granted, it’s not easy because, well, they are teenagers and that means they are often self-absorbed, emotional and eclectic. Just like we were.
Every day in my classroom I get an up-close, inside view of teenagers and their myriad personalities. They are brilliant, opinionated, quirky, determined, thoughtful, caring, inquisitive, idealistic, mature, optimistic and endearing. I could go on. And, yes, I could make an equally long list of negative adjectives, but that’s been done enough.
Learning to appreciate the teen years is all a matter of mindset. Don’t buy into the myth that they exist to drive you crazy, even if it seems true on any given day. The fact is they’re evolving and finding their place in the world.
As parents, we get to ride along and help them find it.
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By VANESSA W. SNYDER
