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NESSA’S NOTIONS: When it’s time, we must loosen and let go

Posted on April 28th, 2021No Comments

By VANESSA W. SNYDER

I didn’t know that “releasing” is a whole situation. I recently decided to do it with my dissertation, sending it to an editor.

That was an important milestone and I was excited to get there. Much like the anticipation a mother feels as she nears delivery, I was ready for the next step.

However, I also felt something else.

I want to say it was trepidation because everything is becoming much more real. I also felt a bit exposed because now my story – my dissertation – was out there. Someone who has never seen or read it was looking at it with fresh eyes.

It’s like when you’re carrying a child in your womb. Inherently, you understand that your bundle of joy will pop out at some point. You know you’re supposed to be this amazing mother when it happens. But you worry about being exposed as someone who actually doesn’t know what she’s doing.

So here I am releasing my dissertation, “my baby.” (My husband and I agreed to not use that term in the beginning; we call it my “project.“) Here I am sending it to a complete stranger to edit and provide feedback. It sounds dramatic. But when you’ve lived with something so long, letting go can be uncomfortable.  

It’s necessary though.

Releasing is progress and growth and movement. Those are good things. As mentioned previously in this space, it’s all part of the journey. I’m just beginning to share my project with the world, which – scarily –
feels good.

Just like in childbirth, joy and fear are all in there, mixed together. They create an amazing feeling that swings between extremes at any given moment, for the rest of your life.

So go ahead and release, like I’m doing. Slowly but surely, I’m stepping out with this project. Soon I will experience the joy and fear that accompanies birth.

I say whatever you’re working on, don’t be afraid to cut the cord when it’s time. Intuitively, you’ll know when that time arrives. It’s the gift you’ve been waiting for. 

Truly, releasing is only the beginning.

(A former journalist currently working on her doctorate in Social Emotional Learning, Vanessa is a dedicated and passionate educator in the DC Public Schools system. She loves learning, leadership, innovation, collaboration, and discovering new ways to drive student gains and support staff members).

NESSA’S NOTIONS: We think we can; ergo, ego

Posted on April 12th, 2021No Comments

By VANESSA W. SNYDER

I call it the ego paradox.

Let’s be honest. Anyone who is trying to accomplish something big must have an ego on some level. And that especially includes those of us pursuing doctorate degrees.

I struggle with this at times when contemplating my purpose in pursuing this goal. I don’t consider myself an egomaniac and I don’t believe many people perceive me that way, either (except maybe my daughters).

However, the same ego that’s necessary to pursue a doctorate is the same one that’s repeatedly bruised and beaten.

Therein lies the paradox. It takes an ego to pursue big dreams and major life goals, but it also takes a willingness to release your self-pride so you can endure the process and reach the destination.

Consider what you’re pursuing and what part of your ego needs to be released in order to get there. Learning something new or doing something for the first time takes self-belief. But this “ego” has to be broken enough to accept help while exercising patience, discipline, perseverance, tenacity, grit, and faith.

How much ego is too much? Who’s to say?

Too much will cause you to overstate and overdo. Example: I will complete (insert your goal here) by 5 p.m. on the first of next month. Too little will get you nowhere. Example: I will never complete (insert your goal here) because (insert negative, self-doubting words here),

See the enigma?

So, I conclude most of us have an ego. And that’s not a bad thing if you accept that sometimes it’s hurt or broken. If it’s strong enough, you’ll get back up and keep trying after you’re knocked down.

Let’s face it: You won’t accomplish much in life without some ego.

But too much will mess you up.

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(A former journalist currently working on her doctorate in Social Emotional Learning, Vanessa is a dedicated and passionate educator in the DC Public Schools system. She loves learning, leadership, innovation, collaboration, and discovering new ways to drive student gains and support staff members).