No Wimpy Parenting, Part 2
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By Vanessa W. Snyder
Recently at my school, I sat in on a round table about privacy. It was an opportunity for teens to voice their views on the meaning of privacy and whether the government has usurped too much of it.
Of course the conversation worked its way around to teens’ privacy at home. I managed to bite my tongue without making myself bleed (after all it was a chance for them to talk, not me). Several of the youths felt they had an inalienable right to privacy under their parents’ roof.
Amazingly though, a wise young man reminded them that privacy is a non-issue as long as they’re minors living with their parents.
I concur.
For the record: Yes I can and will read my children’s e-mails, text messages, snail mail and tweets. I feel no shame or guilt, because they’re my children and it’s my job to know what’s going on with them, particularly if they’re not forthcoming.
Consider the dear friend I mentioned in my first entry on wimpy parenting. She has already informed her 10-year-old son that she will read every text message he sends. And I think she means it (at least for now).
But the broader issue for me is not privacy. It’s establishing a relationship and environment where I don’t feel the need to read personal communication. This is not an easy task and it requires time, time and additional time — something we always try to get more of.
And even with the time, you often have to force the issue. Sometimes teens just don’t want to talk. They get moody and want to be left alone. I’m okay with some alone-time privacy, but I know it’s my job to get right back in her face so I know what’s going on. Privacy has little to do with the amount of communicating I need to do with my children.
I’d rather spend my time building a strong relationship with them — not snooping through drawers, checking text messages and reading tweets. I’d rather focus on really listening and really hearing what’s going on. It’s not always easy, but remember: Parenting isn’t for wimps.
