Determined To Enjoy Each Stage
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By VANESSA W. SNYDER
I was scrubbing black nail polish off my 11-year-old’s fingernails when it occurred to me that parenting has its joys at every age. Turns out she had polished her fingernails just before bed time and, of course, they got smudged while in the bed. She got up (mind you, not woke up) somewhat hysterical over the idea of attending school with smudgy polish. That’s a major crisis in the sixth grade. We were out of remover so I got my nail file and went to scrubbing.
When I think of my girls over the years, I realize I have dozens of stories like this – and they make me laugh. But more importantly, I realize that every age is a blessing. When your children hits the pre-teen and teen years, you can’t help reflecting and longing for the toddler-in-diaper days when they were so little, cute and cuddly… and couldn’t talk back. You can’t help but to romanticize and/or erase the crying, the whining and the worrying in those early years. The labor pains and late-night feedings fade into memories of warm hugs and constant giggles.
I guess that’s because the teen years challenge us in a different way and you’re never quite sure what to expect from day to day. We all know the quips about teenagers and how “awful” that stage is supposed to be. I even had a colleague, the parent of a teen at the time, jokingly advise me to do whatever I could to keep my kids from growing up – even if it meant sitting on them to stunt their growth. I understand what she meant now.
But I’m not going out like that. I’m determined to have a good time with my growing girls. Aside from shopping and sharing clothes and jewelry, we’re at a place where we can have real girl talk and serious conversations. I’m discovering they have a lot to say and a lot on their minds. And I’m loving it. It’s an amazing opportunity to offer support and get to know who they really are.
I’m working hard (and I hope you will too) to go against the grain and enjoy these years and every phase of parenting. Granted, it’s not easy because, well, they are teenagers and that means they are often self-absorbed, emotional and eclectic. Just like we were.
Every day in my classroom I get an up-close, inside view of teenagers and their myriad personalities. They are brilliant, opinionated, quirky, determined, thoughtful, caring, inquisitive, idealistic, mature, optimistic and endearing. I could go on. And, yes, I could make an equally long list of negative adjectives, but that’s been done enough.
Learning to appreciate the teen years is all a matter of mindset. Don’t buy into the myth that they exist to drive you crazy, even if it seems true on any given day. The fact is they’re evolving and finding their place in the world.
As parents, we get to ride along and help them find it.
