Remember Trinity United Church of Christ, President Obama’s former place of worship? I don’t know what’s been going on over there the past few years, since Rev. Otis Moss III succeeded Rev. Jeremiah Wright as pastor.
But I absolutely LOVE what their Married Couples Ministry did at church a couple of Sundays ago.
I dare you to watch the full video, to study these couples with four to 40 years of holy matrimony and not feel warm and fuzzy inside. Rarely do we witness such beautiful expressions of Black love, and they’re virtually nonexistent between Black husbands and wives.
It doesn’t matter that some are better dancers than others. It doesn’t matter that some look much more comfortable in moving to Babyface’s secular love song. And it doesn’t matter that some churches are absolutely, positively guaranteed to frown upon a display like this, period, let alone inside the sanctuary.
I don’t care. The only thing that matters is the loving glances and gentle touches these spouses exchanged. The only thing that matters is the intimacy they intensified, the emotions they engendered and the flames they fanned. Growing closer to your spouse certainly takes more than dancing, kissing and making love.
But life together is a whole lot sweeter with those elements in plentiful supply!
We haven’t settled on a church home yet since returning to D.C. last summer. However, I know one thing for sure – I’d like to participate in something like this at our future church. In fact, if every marriage ministry did something similar to this, I believe it would enhance the state of our unions.
There’s no turning back now. My novel has its ISBN number and is being typeset as I type this. The cover is done, pre-order sales are coming in and I’m talking about The Second First Ladymore and more, because it’s real and coming to life.
One moment I’m excited. The next moment I’m petrified. What people will think of me and say about the book? Is it good enough? Will anyone besides my family and friends buy it? Will they read and enjoy the story? I certainly pray so.
That’s the weird thing about writers who struggle to finally produce a project they’ve carried around for a long time. We say we want it, but fear creeps in when it finally happens. I guess it’s because writing is so personal. And once you’re published, you’ve opened yourself to those who will criticize your work. Whether or not the critiques are valid, they can still sting.
But I say it’s still worth it. Your story comes from somewhere deep inside and it matters to you, and potentially hundreds or thousands of readers out there. Learning to accept and grow from the criticism is part of the writing process. Even before the book is bound, I already know many things I could’ve done better. I’ve learned to care more deeply about crafting a story. Most writers might know how to create a good story, but it takes time and research to carefully craft one.
That’s why going to writing conferences and meeting other writers is so important. In the coming weeks I’ll blog about other Christian authors and seek their insights on getting started in Christian publishing.
My co-publisher Barry Beckham, of The Beckham Publications Group, has worked with newbies like myself for decades. He can help you avoid mistakes that first-timers often make and he always has sound advice in his newsletter, Better English 101 Writing.
So take the bitter pills of criticism and write an even better book next time. Like I tell my students, writing is a process.
This is what I wrote on news-press.com on Feb. 14, 2008:
“I’ve always suspected Roger Clemens was among the hordes of major-leaguers who used performance-enhancing substances during baseball’s Steroid Era. Nothing that has transpired since the Mitchell Report was released – including Wednesday’s circus on Capitol Hill – has changed my opinion. I believe Clemens stood before the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform and told bald-faced lies. Through his teeth. Clemens pointed fingers at his wife, his mother, his agent and his close friend Andy Pettite, who testified that Clemens admitted using HGH. Clemens is banking on folks’ incredulity that someone could lie under oath at a Congressional hearing on national TV. If you don’t believe that someone – Clemens, in this case – could do that, you’re a sucker.”
Fast-forward: I don’t know if “The Rocket” will be convicted of perjury for the lies he told Congress. A law professor’s article in Sports Illustrated details a possible defense that sounds plausible, at least enough to keep Clemens out of jail. Considering the high-powered, top-dollar attorneys he’s likely to retain, Clemens (and fellow would-be Hall of Famer Barry Bonds) could very well overcome the feds’ 90% conviction rate.
In any case, Clemens has decided to go down swinging if necessary, sticking to his arrogant denial until the bitter end. “I never took HGH or Steroids. And I did not lie to Congress,” he said on Twitter Thursday night, after being slapped with a 19-page indictment. “I look forward to challenging the government’s accusations, and hope people will keep an open mind until trial.”
He’ll have to look elsewhere. As far as I’m concerned, there’s already a preponderance of evidence that he can’t overcome. Not only do prosecutors have his deposition AND his performance on Capitol Hill (the latter totally voluntary on his part), they also have another fine example of his hubris, the “60 Minutes” appearance.
None of this is to suggest that Congress had good reason for either of its dog-and-pony steroids hearings. In the first one we saw Sammy Sosa forget that he speaks English, Mark McGwire refuse to discuss the past and Rafael Palmeiro point his finger while lying. In the second one, we saw Clemens and former trainer Brian McNamee call each other liars while Republicans hammered the small fry and Democrats grilled the superstar. The 4-1/2 hour spectacle was less informative than an episode of “Jerry Springer.”
But whether we’re talking about potential Hall-of-Famers and perennial All-Stars, or middling utility players and a mediocre journeyman, the fact remains the same: There was a lot of cheating going on. And from baseball’s point-of-view (the feds gotta do what the feds gotta do), it doesn’t make much sense to single out guys. At this point, we shouldn’t be shocked at any name that’s eventually linked to steroids.
We will never know every player who indulged, so it doesn’t make sense to keep some out of the Hall of Fame while letting others in. And we certainly can’t tinker with the record book, trying to determine who did what, when they did it, and how it affects statistics. (Does it count if a juiced batter hit a home run off a juiced pitcher)?
Clemens has issues to face in court, but that’s a personal problem. But baseball is better off letting fans apply their own mental asterisk to the entire era, and then turn the page.
A new school year is upon us. New clothes, bookbags and an endless list of supplies. If you’re a parent, you know the scene well.
I remember the excitement I always felt as a child on the first day of school. The new year always began with such promise and energy.
I think parents and educators (such as myself) feel it, too. There’s something exhilarating about a new classroom, new set of students and new opportunity to do better than the year before.
But as I prepare myself and my daughters for the upcoming school year, I’m thinking about their teachers, and the challenges we face in this profession. This is a good time to be thankful for teachers and all that they do to educate students.
Contrary to what you may read, some teachers are actually teaching – and doing it correctly at that. Maybe, at least for a moment, we should stop blaming them for everything that’s wrong with students. We should know it’s just not that simple.
The start of the new year is a good time to be grateful for all the moneyand extra time that teachers spend in trying to teach our children. So many teachers give everything they’ve got and more to educate students (trust me, because I have the receipts to prove it).
But it’s not just about the money and time that spent. There’s a teacher I’ll never forget from my senior year. Her name is Mrs. Kovach and she taught a medical assistance class. I don’t know why I was in the class, as I never had any remote interest in medicine. But I remember how much she seemed to care and want the best for us. I still recall our last day with her, when she challenged the class to go out in the world and “live our dreams.”
For some reason, those words have resonated with me over the years. Maybe because it made me feel like she cared and wanted the best for me. I think many of us have those special teachers who impacted our lives along the way. If you do, I invite you to share your memories in the comments section below.
“I am a nightmare walking, a psychopath talking King of my jungle, just a gangster stalking Living life like a firecracker, quick is my fuse Then dead as a doorknob, that’s the life I choose.”
Those lyrics (with a smidgen of creative license on the last line) are from Ice-T’s title track of the 1988 gangsta flick, “Colors.” While the movie focused on gang warfare between the Crips and Bloods in East Los Angeles, a vast number of young black males across the country are falling into the same destructive mindset.
This isn’t just a “black” problem. It’s a national crisis, capable of reaching out and affecting any of us (or our loved ones), anywhere and anytime. And if you think we can jail our way out, you’re overlooking the immense pain and suffering that occurs before individuals are ever arrested. We’ve got to reach these young men BEFORE they drift off course.
Considering a new report that found only 47 percent of black males graduated from high school in 2007-008, we have a lot of work to do. Even as we try to steer those young men in the right direction, the generation behind them might be more challenging: The BEST score of eighth-grade reading assessments – which measure how many black males read at or above the proficiency level – was a shockingly-low 15 percent (Kentucky, New Jersey); several states averaged only 5 percent.
Youngsters who possess such a scarcity of skills in the Information Age are doomed to be a drain on society – one way or another. Fortunately, the situation isn’t hopeless. But it’s going to take an understanding that dollars are better spent in prevention than detention. And acknowledgment that it’s no coincidence when twice as many black students are classified as “mentally retarded” (despite evidence that students from all groups are roughly the same at each intelligence level).
Dr. John H. Jackson, president and CEO of the Schott Foundation for Public Education – the organization that produced the study – said the manner in which states spend on education is more important than the amount spent. An example is tony Palm Beach County, Fla., which graduated only 22 percent of its black high school males compared to impoverished Newark, N.J., which graduated 79 percent. “The significance of New Jersey’s success is their decision to more equitably distribute their educational resources to all of the districts and students who needed them the most,” Johnson told theGrio, “but also target those resources in areas that are proven effective – providing more access to early education, highly effective teachers and rigorous curricula.”
Not every young black boy who’s below-par as an eighth-grader, or who fails to graduate from 12th grade, is headed for the life depicted in Ice-T’s lyrics. But we know that a number of them will follow that path of death and destruction unless we do something.
When Deron and I relocated to Fort Myers, Fla., 10 years ago, I pretended it wasn’t happening. I acted as if I was on vacation and would return to D.C. at any moment. So every time there was a break – spring break, winter break or summer break – I was on the first flight out. No, Fort Myers was not my home.
It didn’t matter that I was in sunny Florida, essentially starting a new career in education, meeting new people and making new decisions. I was still resisting the change. In fact, it took me several years to accept the fact that change happens and you can’t fight it. But over the years, I’ve gotten better at accepting it, navigating it and even enjoying it. Change isn’t so bad realize it’s unavoidable and uncontrollable.
However, that doesn’t mean it’s easy.
Here it is again, knocking at my door. Besides the fact that I’m starting work at a new school, my daughters are changing in a big way this year and I’m feeling all the emotion of their transitions. One is heading to high school while the other is starting middle school. This is definitely a new phase of parenting.
But change often brings rewards along the way.
The girls and I before riding the Wonder Wheel
My former basketball-shorts and T-shirt-wearing daughter continues to evolve into a pre-teen who thinks it’s “important to moisturize.” Meanwhile my new high-schooler has matured enough to tell me she doesn’t think it’s lady-like to curse. (Yes!)
Suddenly, motherhood feels different. My family feels different. A shift has happened and it’s out of my control. I find myself in a range of emotions – excited for them, a little sad for myself (because time is running away). I’m wondering what this means for our family time, praying that they/we can handle and balance all that comes with this change.
But mostly, I’m excited because change really does mean growth. And that’s what I want for me and my family. Growth.
As co-authors/co-publishers of the “50 Ways to Christ” series – and with the rapidly-approaching release of Vanessa’s debut novel, “The Second First Lady” – there was little chance we’d miss the National Christian Writers Conference at the Howard University Divinity School on Aug. 14. Founded by Antonio Crawford with assistance from Pam Perry (featured in the video above), the conference made for a long day, from 8 am to 6 pm, with a few kinks and a quick lunch. But it was a worthwhile investment of time and treasure.
One of the highlights was meeting Karen Hunter, a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist who once worked at the newspaper I grew up reading from back to front – The (New York) Daily News. She has since become a heavyweight in the book world, co-authoring several best-sellers and launching Karen Hunter Publishing, a division of Pocket Books at Simon & Schuster. Karen reminded attendees that “words are powerful and we need to put them in the marketplace with that thought.” She also insisted that “our writing should be thoughtful and thought-provoking. Or why else do it?”
Karen did an outstanding job filling-in for Michelle McKinney Hammond as the keynote speaker, after Michelle had to cancel due to a family emergency. Karen joked about the unfairness in having to devise a speech on-the-spot AND having to follow the Howard University Gospel Choir. The acclaimed group treated us to three songs, including “Oh Happy Day” and “Total Praise.” They were small in number (only nine singers) but made a big impact.
The afternoon sessions focused on marketing, which we learned is about 90% of becoming successful authors. Andrew Morrison, president of Small Business Camp, talked about using books as leverage for consulting, contracting and speaking opportunities. Nationally-acclaimed motivational speaker and best-selling author Willie Jolley spoke about the need to “hustle” to sell your books, getting in front of as many people, groups, organizations and microphones as possible.
Sean Isaacs, CEO and co-founder of Isaacs Marketing Group noted that business schools define marketing as “the four Ps: product, price, placement and promotion.” But he offered his own, more-specific definition of marketing: “Strategies and tactics to identify, introduce, create, sell and maintain satisfying relationships with past, present and prospective customers that result in value for both the customer and the marketer.” The final presentation was made by William Patterson, CEO of The Baron Solution Group. He overwhelmed us with a wealth of information on developing a product line, creating residual income streams and getting others to promote your products and services at no cost.
So we’ve got plenty of work ahead as we near the release of “The Second First Lady” – not to mention releasing the second edition of “50 Ways to Put Christ Back in Christmas: And Keep the Spirit All Year Long.”
As it turns out, writing is (kind of) the easy part.
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