A few years before I married, I sat and pondered my future in the wide world of dating; I cringed at the thought of being “not so young” and single. My last serious relationship was filled with drama, none of which I caused, or so I thought.
The irony was I had graduated to living life as a “good boy,” thus, should not have been subjected to mistreatment or disrespect. This forced me to analyze all past relationships and made me think about the long list of acquaintances who once were prospects but now gone forever (aka, the ones who got away).
I became preoccupied with the traditional, “How could this happen to me? Why?”
Unfortunately, most people never figure it out. I, on the other hand, have!
“OH YES SHE DID, AND HERE’S WHY” comes from the urban street phrase “Oh no she didn’t,” intended to shed light on climates we create in relationships that almost always lead to unhappiness or dissatisfaction. Responsibility is the key.
I, too, was a slave to the misguided belief that I was a victim in my past relationship and therefore blameless. This mindset placed me in a position of trying to change the behavior of others, rather than my own. It also gave complete ownership of my happiness to someone else. Some of you will recognize this as “The Beginning of the End.” You can’t give a known thief the keys to your home and then complain when you’re robbed.
I have evolved from my past beliefs and realize that I am at least partially at fault for much of the bad in my previous situations. My wrongdoings may not have fit into typical categories such as infidelity or persistent negativity, but they came in the form of Failure to Obey and DWI.
Failure to Obey is ignoring all the warning signs that clearly introduced me to the type of person I was dealing with. Like many, I insisted on seeing only what I wanted and that’s how the downward spiral began.
DWI is Dating While Intoxicated. This intoxication is not necessarily due to alcohol or drugs. It’s usually the result of being in love with the thought of being in love — being blinded by love or some other gibberish often associated or confused with true love. These situations often yield negative results as well.
I spent countless days and nights in disbelief over certain occurrences during my last relationship. I now realize I could’ve saved the majority of that time by following the first incident with my eyes open rather than my fly.
This is true because all subsequent events, in one form or another, were the same except for a detail or two. My reactions to the events were also the same.
I would try to figure out how she did this or why she did that, rather than accept the first scenario and say goodbye.
Our cycle would go like this: I would walk past her closet, trip over a skeleton and confront her about it. She would respond defensively and run away. But “the ghosts of relationships and issues past” were now unleashed.
After a few weeks, we would bump into each other socially, have a few cocktails that led to a night of makeup sex and we were a couple again the next morning. I received very few apologies because I demanded none.
This scenario repeated itself every four to six months. Her actions would start the process but my inaction allowed it to continue. Thus you have, “… OH YES SHE DID, AND HERE’S WHY.”
Human nature dictates that most people (even the kindest, which most of us are not) will manipulate others for personal gain when such behavior is unchallenged or results in no consequences.
“SHE DID” … because she could! For the record, in some past relationships, so have I.
It is necessary to investigate the role(s) we play in activities that affect our daily existence. We must always remember that NO OUTSIDE INDIVIDUAL(S) CAN DELETE OUR GREATNESS. AT BEST, THEY CAN ONLY DELAY IT.
IT IS OUR DUTY TO MAKE SURE THAT THE BIGGEST OBSTACLE IS NOT IN THE MIRROR.
This essay portrays the ins and outs of a male/female relationship; however, many of its points are pertinent to race, professional and a multitude of other relations.
The solution starts and ends with self-respect.
All other answers are simply wrong.
A native of Lackawanna, N.Y., outside of Buffalo, Lowe is a former public school teacher who was forced into retirement due to injuries sustained on the job during a student’s blindside attack. Now a freelance writer, he’s battling life-threatening heart failure while waiting for a transplant. Those who wish to assist – either monetarily or with encouraging words – may visit his page on Help HOPE Live. He can be reached at email@example.com.