Posted on February 24th, 2011
By Vanessa W. Snyder
Recently at my school, I sat in on a round table about privacy. It was an opportunity for teens to voice their views on the meaning of privacy and whether the government has usurped too much of it.
Of course the conversation worked its way around to teens’ privacy at home. I managed to bite my tongue without making myself bleed (after all it was a chance for them to talk, not me). Several of the youths felt they had an inalienable right to privacy under their parents’ roof.
Amazingly though, a wise young man reminded them that privacy is a non-issue as long as they’re minors living with their parents.
I concur.
For the record: Yes I can and will read my children’s e-mails, text messages, snail mail and tweets. I feel no shame or guilt, because they’re my children and it’s my job to know what’s going on with them, particularly if they’re not forthcoming.
Consider the dear friend I mentioned in my first entry on wimpy parenting. She has already informed her 10-year-old son that she will read every text message he sends. And I think she means it (at least for now).
But the broader issue for me is not privacy. It’s establishing a relationship and environment where I don’t feel the need to read personal communication. This is not an easy task and it requires time, time and additional time — something we always try to get more of.
And even with the time, you often have to force the issue. Sometimes teens just don’t want to talk. They get moody and want to be left alone. I’m okay with some alone-time privacy, but I know it’s my job to get right back in her face so I know what’s going on. Privacy has little to do with the amount of communicating I need to do with my children.
I’d rather spend my time building a strong relationship with them — not snooping through drawers, checking text messages and reading tweets. I’d rather focus on really listening and really hearing what’s going on. It’s not always easy, but remember: Parenting isn’t for wimps.
Posted on February 14th, 2011
By VANESSA W. SNYDER
As a teacher, I promise you most of us don’t have time to sit around and think about how much we hate individual students. That’s not to say we don’ t enjoy teaching some students more than others, but I digress…
As a parent, I feel your pain and frustration when it comes to teachers you don’t like or don’t understand.
For parents who are inclined to think a teacher dislikes her child, consider it a teachable moment. When kids make this claim it’s often a convenient excuse to explain their failure to complete their work. Or maybe they’re just starting middle school or high school, where the classes are suddenly tougher, and they need to work harder to get the A’s that came so easily before. Either way, parents have a great opportunity to help their kids learn some life lessons.
I tell my girls that sometimes in life you just have to tough it out. Teachers have different styles and personalities. Deal with it.
We all have fond memories of the teacher that everybody loved because she or he was fun, warm and friendly. But then there are the not-so-fond memories of stern, distant and rigid teachers disliked by everyone.
Kids (and parents) have to learn that they can’t just run away because they don’t like the teacher’s style of teaching. As a parent, you may really believe a teacher has it out for your child. You’re probably wrong. But even if it’s true, that’s a chance for your child to grow.
Barring extreme situations where learning is clearly absent from the classroom, we have to push our kids to cope, move on and not get caught up in their emotions and the teacher’s personality. I know that can be tough for kids. Some struggle to do well in a class when they perceive the teacher doesn’t like them. And, yes, a case can be made that the teacher’s personality impacts learning. However, it’s not always possible to change the learning situation. If you can, should you?
Teaching children to accept and understand that the world is full of diverse people — with diverse personalities, skills, preferences, etc. — is crucial. They will have to navigate through school, college and the workplace, dealing with all kinds of individuals. Many times it will be uncomfortable and downright tough.
If we can teach them early on that sometimes you just have to deal with people you don’t like, and who may not like you, we’ve taught them an important skill about self-control and relationships.
I tell my daughters that it doesn’t matter if a teacher doesn’t like them. Focus on what you’re there to learn and get the work done.
It’s wonderful if you and your child love every teacher, every year. But that’s unlikely to happen.
Posted on February 5th, 2011
By DERON SNYDER
Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin got straight A’s at Denbigh High School in Newport News, Va., and he competed deep into statewide academic competitions. But he never let his football teammates know about his book smarts because he wanted to be viewed as a tough guy, not some soft brainiac.
Now, even as he’s on the verge of a second Super Bowl title in his fourth season as coach, some folks are still a little slow on the uptake regarding his brilliance.
“I think the first couple of years, people had an excuse here and an excuse there for why they didn’t want to give him any respect,” Steelers nose tackle Chris Hoke recently told reporters. “The guy has proved that he is a winner. Three of his four years, he has taken us to the playoffs, and two of his four, taken us to the Super Bowl. So you’ve got to give the guy credit.”
You would think so. But something besides Tomlin’s aptitude has always gotten more attention, whether it’s been his inexperience, his age, his race or the team or franchise he was blessed with.
Continue reading…
Posted on February 4th, 2011
By DERON SNYDER
Wednesday was “National Signing Day” for the country’s football-playing high school seniors. It’s a virtual national holiday in the world of sports, an occasion that’s grown to garner wall-to-wall TV coverage and up-to-the minute Web updates. The NCAA says about 7,000 football players annually sign letters-of-intent to accept scholarship offers (not to mention 4,000 basketball players and 25,000 student-athletes in non-revenue sports).
Thus concludes another recruiting cycle in which desperate football coaches logged thousands of miles and sat in numerous living rooms, hoping to land the nation’s prized recruits. Those blue-chip prospects – some courted by dozens of schools that often learn ‘The Decision’ like everyone else, by watching a press conference on ESPN – can have a dramatic impact on a coach’s career and a program’s fortunes.
But a football (or basketball) player’s signature on a scholarship has a vastly different meaning than a coach’s signature on a contract. And guess which party gets the short end of the deal.
A few weeks after then-Connecticut coach Randy Edsall sat in the home of recruit Michael Nebrich and made empty promises, we learned that Edsall was leaving UConn for the Maryland job. “I don’t want to say it made me feel betrayed, because he had to do what he had to do for his family,” Nebrich told The Washington Post last month. “Just with everything he was saying to me and assuring me he was going to be there, it was a weird feeling.”
Far from weird, it’s perfectly normal when college coaches depart for better opportunities, regardless of the time left on their contracts or the pledges made to incoming recruits. It happens every year without fail.
Read more…
Posted on February 4th, 2011
By VANESSA W. SNYDER
I was scrubbing black nail polish off my 11-year-old’s fingernails when it occurred to me that parenting has its joys at every age. Turns out she had polished her fingernails just before bed time and, of course, they got smudged while in the bed. She got up (mind you, not woke up) somewhat hysterical over the idea of attending school with smudgy polish. That’s a major crisis in the sixth grade. We were out of remover so I got my nail file and went to scrubbing.
When I think of my girls over the years, I realize I have dozens of stories like this – and they make me laugh. But more importantly, I realize that every age is a blessing. When your children hits the pre-teen and teen years, you can’t help reflecting and longing for the toddler-in-diaper days when they were so little, cute and cuddly… and couldn’t talk back. You can’t help but to romanticize and/or erase the crying, the whining and the worrying in those early years. The labor pains and late-night feedings fade into memories of warm hugs and constant giggles.
I guess that’s because the teen years challenge us in a different way and you’re never quite sure what to expect from day to day. We all know the quips about teenagers and how “awful” that stage is supposed to be. I even had a colleague, the parent of a teen at the time, jokingly advise me to do whatever I could to keep my kids from growing up – even if it meant sitting on them to stunt their growth. I understand what she meant now.
But I’m not going out like that. I’m determined to have a good time with my growing girls. Aside from shopping and sharing clothes and jewelry, we’re at a place where we can have real girl talk and serious conversations. I’m discovering they have a lot to say and a lot on their minds. And I’m loving it. It’s an amazing opportunity to offer support and get to know who they really are.
I’m working hard (and I hope you will too) to go against the grain and enjoy these years and every phase of parenting. Granted, it’s not easy because, well, they are teenagers and that means they are often self-absorbed, emotional and eclectic. Just like we were.
Every day in my classroom I get an up-close, inside view of teenagers and their myriad personalities. They are brilliant, opinionated, quirky, determined, thoughtful, caring, inquisitive, idealistic, mature, optimistic and endearing. I could go on. And, yes, I could make an equally long list of negative adjectives, but that’s been done enough.
Learning to appreciate the teen years is all a matter of mindset. Don’t buy into the myth that they exist to drive you crazy, even if it seems true on any given day. The fact is they’re evolving and finding their place in the world.
As parents, we get to ride along and help them find it.
Posted on February 1st, 2011
By DERON SNYDER
Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour was the 16-year-old valedictorian of his high school class in 1964 — also known as “Freedom Summer” — when the slaying of three civil rights workers punctuated escalating racial violence in his state. What does he remember about the time? “Not much,” he told The Associated Press recently. What he does remember is revisionist, including claims that his generation attended integrated schools and the racist White Citizens’ Councils were civil rights champions.
In October, it was discovered that a textbook in Virginia elementary and middle schools claimed that thousands of black soldiers fought for the South in the Civil War. According to “Our Virginia,” among the hordes of African-Americans fighting for the Confederacy were “two black battalions under the command of Stonewall Jackson.” Though Confederate apologists make similar assertions, most historians reject the claims, the textbooks have been pulled and the publisher is replacing them at no cost to the schools.
Then there are clueless wonders such as Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.), who last month insisted that the founding fathers “worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States,” a nation she said was founded on racial and ethnic diversity. But last summer, she claimed that President Obama was turning the United States into “a nation of slaves.”
And folks still ask if we really need a Black History Month? Are they serious?
Continue reading…
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